highschool
^{14:55, november 18th, 2022}

you kiss me in the alcove underneath the library, and you taste like vanilla and cinnamon. your hand is a bit bigger than mine, but we fit perfectly together. i’m wearing your sweater, brown and orange knit with the ugliest buttons i’ve ever seen, but it’s yours so i don’t think i’ve ever seen a prettier sweater in my life. you balance a pinecone in my lap, and i have to balance my heart back in my chest for fear of everything i feel about you leaking out of my mouth, my nose, my ears, spilling out of the little castle walls i’ve built, scrounged together out of a sense of decency and chivalry. the moment lasts forever and not long enough, and in that moment of aftertastes and shared giggles, i think we could last forever.

-analog

growing pains
^{19:19, february 16th, 2022}

growing away from you is just like. i love you. you're 40 hours away. do you miss me? do your pillowcases still smell the same even in a different country? i still use the soap you said you liked. do you still like the perfume i bought you? do you still hurt a bit every time you buy convenience store soda because you wish you could share it with me?

-analog

division
^{09:57, december 7th, 2021}

i am obsessed with the idea of layers. i want to be separated into layers like paper and skin. every layer is from a different person, a different year. i am my ex-boyfriend's laugh, my best friend's voice, my mother's walk and my father's temper. i am the sum of everyone else's parts.

-analog

caterpillars
^{20:03, nov 24th, 2021}

there's an article about caterpillars, and they said that some of those caterpillars walk around with little half-formed wings floating around in their bodies, that you couldn't see by looking at them, just waiting to be released.

i think that people are like that, walking around with half-formed thoughts, waiting to be spilled at a critical point.

what do you walk around with?

-analog

habits
^{03:52, july 26th, 2021}

my processes in the moments before taking a shower are a ritual, a practiced moment all to myself.

in the time between classes, i tidy myself in preparation for the rest of the day.

it is so human to follow these rituals, a few little displays of normalcy and stability that i am otherwise without.

my regime of familiarity is what makes life comfortable, possible, and easier.

these little breaths help me forget the ache and struggle, and for a few moments, i can float along in muscle memory.

the world is ever changing, and my life is changing with it, and perhaps even my rituals will change. however, for now, i take these moments before a shower to myself, and myself alone.

-analog